MOVED
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Fragments of Thought
So I feel horrible.
Here's an analogy: I'm a drug junkie that just finished her supply of meth/ecstasy/somethingsimilar.I can pin-point exactly why I feel this way. I'd rather not say it here though but things have taken a very depressing turn. I wish.. I wish.. I wish..
But that shall remain a wish.
Oh and sorry for not updating the links. I'll do it when I have the time and/or when I change my layout. That reminds me, I need to freaking change my layout. Maybe I'll do it now since there's no school tomorrow. But I've got violin later and my programme notes aren't finished. Great. Just great.
I am running low on cash. Oh wait! The end of the month is tomorrow. How silly of me. Tsk!
And I got 12 merit points today. Teachers were really generous today. Yay me!
I feel like changing URL, again. But it's sooo annoying to do that you know(changing MSN address', blogger adds, account names). I mean sooner or later people are going to lose track of you. In the last five years I must have had least five, to say the very least, MSN changes; three blog address changes; three main e-mail address changes; among other things.
Now I tell you why I change addresses/account names ever so often.
Because I outgrow these names really fast. Yes, I like perky(I am a lot!). But perky can be really stupid sometimes(Because sometimes I'm depressed and in bitchomg mode)
So I conclude that I am indecisive. I am you know, when it comes to things on the more personal side. Somehow it's a lot harder to make these simple decisions and stick to it.
But I really like moving blog addresses. It's like breaking out of a cocoon. You really get to see yourself grow as a person. When I visit my old blogs a few months into my new blog, I always read the posts and go "Ewww!". That unbearable feeling you know?
So much for wanting to make a difference through blogging.
Maybe next time lah. I'm not mature enough that yet. Haha!
Labels: thoughts
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
MPYO Camp III
This is in a little late but sometimes it's better late than never.
Last holidays, when most of you were enjoying yourselves going out shopping, hanging out with friends and the sort, I spent my entire week(from Monday to Sunday) at MPYO Camp in KL. Before you go on and on about how enjoyable/exciting/fun things were, be assured that the main aim of the camp was to make purr-dy music.
And we did, didn't we?
Being our third camp, things weren't as fun as the previous two(in actual fact, it was pretty much a drastic change). For some reason I'm bored of gambling and empty-wishywashy-talk. It's fun once in awhile but you get really hollow once it's gone. Once everyone isn't around you. Hmmm. Maybe I'm sensitive, but don't blame me for wanting something more concrete.
This camp I spent most of my time with Alix. Partly because this is the last camp I'll get to spend time with her since she'll be going to England to do her A-levels. It's pretty crappy since she can't sign into MSN then. School rules. Blehh.
We did a LOT of window shopping. Running around from shop to shop in KLCC, trying on things for the fun of it. Oh yeah: there was this once when we ditched Myles and Eben to go Mango because we had missed it out the previous day. So funny. And one thing about Alix is that she really knows how to have a good time. From indulging food to staying up into wee hours of the morning watching Ugly better to poking fun and bitching to witty, witty, WITTY comments about almost anything.
Damn I'm really going to miss her. She's one of the girls in MPYO that I really love mixing with because she reminds me of Emma(who, ironically, is in England doing O levels) and she's a great companion.
In some ways, she's the kind of person I can only dream of being like. Haha. Sounds so sad right? Boo. Whatever. Next.
So anyway, food was so-so. The fact that we had to hunt for our own food gave us the freedom to eat whatever and whenever(of course only during breaks
la). Most days I ate with Alix. Sometimes Nami would come. There were times when I went with some of the people from Tribal(Jebat, James, David). There were times when I went to eat with Stephanie. Very rarely did I had lunch with Tribal, not because I didn't want to but more for the simple reason that if you go out in a big group, it's kinda hard to decide where you want to have your meals. And I for one am an impatient person. So not wanting to make a big fuss, I ate with other people.
By the way, Bukhara is good, but fucking expensive. Bwahahaha.
We had our inaugural gala concert the last two days of camp. It was simply breathtaking. Truly magical.
Never will I forget that feeling, especially during the Bacchanale.
However, will things turn back to how it used to be? It used to be fun. Where is that magic that I had thrived on every camp?
Labels: life
Abstract Mutterings
One day I want to play String Quartet in F Major - Ravel.
First movement just moved me to tears man. And rarely does that happen.
So I'm still stuck on the darn essay. I can't say if it's any good because I'm pretty darn pissed at it. But at least this time I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that I really really tried and managed to finish what I started.
Just when I thought I could go on for a few months without having to play any new contemporary mumbojumboshit, Saori asks my sister and I to play for chamber. I blindly said yes without asking what piece we were playing(I mean I've not done chamber in months already!) and turns out when I went to collect the scores imagine my feeling. Okay, all this new compositions are fun to listen to but not exactly the nicest things to play. Take for example, Ria.
Sweet sounds of the violin. Damn.
Labels: music, rant, reflection
Busy Bee
Nine hours of cramming. And my essay is finished, or so I thought. Apparently I still have to tweak it here and there because there are quite a lot of things that don't make sense.
And no one seems to give constructive criticisms anymore. Harsh criticism, though hard to take, can actually be pretty good downsize my ego.
Then I've still to get about 10 or more merit marks back by the end of this week so I can officially "start duty" next week.
And then preparation for Speech Day. Still haven't gotten parts for our vocal quartet.
Oh man. Add math project. Moral project.
When will this end?
Labels: bitching, random
And I'm of to KL
Will be back on Sunday night. Don't wait around for updates yet. Haha!
Of Podacsts
You know since I've not much time to sit and blog I might as well podcast(again). I did like two podcasts (
link here). Geez I sound so fake.
Damn. I need to find some other host.
Labels: random
I Fear Rejection!
School today was pretty much a drag and felt like dozing off during Physics which, coincidently, was right after recess. Then my bitches broke their news. I feel socially retarded now, no thanks to the amount of homework teachers give. I don't mean to complain(not that I see the point of them giving us work as we spend most of our time copying instead of doing) but as long as we do our homework can teachers just back off a bit? It's not our fault that our puny school has insufficient manpower causing most of us to multi-task.
Not our fault at all. So, don't expect us to do our homework at home, give 100% attention in class, have full attendance during your class, have our subject books on the table during your period because it's not going to happen. Period.
After all you expect so much from us but time is scarce! Like now we've to take part in MPH Search for Young Writers(again!). What a drag, really. Just how many of us can actually write? And just how many people are acknowledged?
Boo. I hate rejection. I hate mindblocks. I hate losing sight of what I write because I'm too immersed in other things. Urgh!
Edit: So the topic we've to write is posted
here.
I have an idea, problem is my idea is something I have very little idea of. And our deadline is 27 August. The first day after the holidays. Great. Just great.
Wei Yun says she likes my style (of writing). I think my writing is all over the place, reflecting me. And now that I've not written anything(blogging doesn't really count!) since I last posted something on Expressions which was way back in June, my pen doesn't flow so easily. Oh my. Oh my.
Labels: school
One too many
Just how depressing can things get I wonder?
It's so ironic that mum always picks her on time. But for me, late. Out of four classes I attend, she is always late to pick me. Dad too. And I am the punctual one. In many ways, I've up on the hopes of my family on being punctual. Tardiness has become a culture in my family with the constant excuse of "I have so many things to cope with. So how can you blame me for being late to fetch you?"
Time management, my dear. I for one am very hectic with things yet I still make it on time for school, tuitions and meetings with people. Okay maybe I'm not that punctual with passing up school homework but that is besides the point.
Malaysians are very late people. Most of them anyway. We should really learn punctuality(I'm not trying to sound like Annie Ong) from the Japanese and the Westerners. Such precision! So prompt!
Actually it's pretty coincidental that the theme for CF last Friday was about keeping your word. It just really makes me think about how unpunctual people always say "I'm on the way" or "Aiya, I'm going to reach in five minutes. Wait for me ahhh!" when in fact they have just walked out of the house, jiggling and fiddling with keys to the car.
Gets me thinking, every time.
Moving on.
I've been stuck in some numbojumbobitchfest-state-of-mind. To add to the pile of mess people have been passing comments my fragile emotions cannot tolerate. So I break down. Honestly right now I feel like I'm in a dark and gloomy place where I've got no one. Things that people have said and done in the past week or so have all accumulated and the effects of it are now taking course. I feel UNpretty, UNwanted, UNloved, FAT, SHORT(yeah I know I am but, geez, don't rub it in) and... You get the picture.
Probably the reason why I haven't blogged in awhile. My judgment at present isn't precise enough. Therefore I refrain from writing anything.
And there goes my confidence level.
You know I might as well take a break from blogging. It's been so many years since I've kept this. I guess I'll update from time to time and if anyone bothers to read, so be it. Maybe it's time to move on. Maybe. Just maybe.
Labels: emo, issues, thoughts
Oh Wow
Oh yes.
I read
this a few days ago. To those of you who know, HAHA.
Labels: daily
Short Update
I swear to you I think I'm getting hooked again. I'm addicted to Neopets again. I think it's just a phase which will probably pass in like a week or so? At least I HOPE it's a phase.
Haha. Why Neopets? Actually William got me hooked, again. Thank you William.
So anyway. Bah.
MPYO camp is coming soon. Not really looking forward to it. Not really not looking forward to it. Pretty emotionless about it.
Okay I have nothing good to write right now so... Look guys, it's not like you're willing to read a bitchlog. This is a buh-log. So I've tried to minimize bitching. Comparatively, two years ago blogs I wrote were a tad bit bitchy. If I've failed to change that, let me know. HEH.
Labels: random
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Cake Fetish
I love cakes. And I have a fetish for Bakerzin. It's sort of designer cakes because it looks like:
Looks so good right? It tastes just as good too. At least there are outlets in Queensbay(I still hardly go there) so it looks like I'll still have to stick with Secret Recipe. And I don't mean it in a bad way. I still LOVE Secret Recipe. It's like one of my favourite places in Gurney. That and Coffee Bean.
Ah. Cake!
Labels: food, random
Ever felt overwhelmed?
I am still searching for something concrete to blog about. Have been really lethargic lately, possibly due to the lack of exercise. Also because I'm chatting on MSN a lot more than usual, relatively. Hence, the insufficient time to sit down and blog.
I used to blog have a lot of things to say and I didn't really know who I to turn to to release my emotions. My blog served as a place for me to rant daily without the fear or being inhibited from saying things I want to say. But (like always) things have changed for the better. I'm not that girl that sits alone depressed. I'm not that girl that doesn't have a group of friends to lean on, to talk to and is sure of moral support no matter when.
I am the girl that sits alone watching others, reflects on daily happenings and gives praises for all that passes. I am the girl that (genuinely) laughs.
I am learning to speak my mind in a tactful way. I am also learning to say no, instead of doing that something despite entirely loathing the process.
Anyway, I'm trying to get a timetable into my life. Lately, I've been seriously abusing my time online. Chatting is fun. But sometimes it gets to the point of aimless conversation which is a way of wasting time in my opinion. And I don't have time to waste! I thought things would be more free now but it seems like things are picking up momentum again.
It's just like what my BM teacher once told me: When you think things are about to settle down, the tide picks up again. You are then sucked into yet another cycle.
How true.
Labels: daily, thoughts
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Change, I must accept
Lately I've been feeling overly exhausted. I feel like my energy levels have dropped and I it feels really hard to be bubbly all the time. Anyway, spent the afternoon at E&O for Mitch's birthday party which turned out to be pretty fun. Rachel was there and it made everything a whole lot more perky.
Later will be going to Her Wuen's for her house-warmingSLASHbirthdayparty.
Anyway, the post
Tiki wrote on his blog was really funny. Slightly exaggerated, as always. But hey, therein lies the fun!
On to something else. I cannot imagine Penang becoming as hyped and advanced like KL. Personally, I like Penang just the way it is. With the amount of money (and effort) that our government is putting into the North Corridor Economic Region (NCER), Penang will definitely boom.
And I am not taking it as a good thing.
I like Penang because distances are near and shopping malls aren't so crowded. I like Gurney being slightly empty actually. I like our small and "ulu" shopping malls with cheap brands that have good quality. Yes. I am one of those stingy Penangites but that's just our culture. I fear that the culture of Penangites will fade with the advancements that the government will bring in.
Maybe I'm being a bit emotional but I really like the comfort of being in a less hectic town.
Labels: daily, thoughts
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
I'm Not Sorry I'm Outspoken
Have you guys seen me with this display picture?
Well, apparently that picture caused a stir between this guy and I. Apparently the word "fucking" was a bit too harsh for his liking. Well in this context the word "fucking" is actually a verb referring to the act of have sex. I find the analogy pretty funny, in a crude way which was why I had this icon as my display picture.
Apparently not everyone thinks on the same wavelength.
Oh yes, he called me cocky because I got pissed when he asked whether I was a boy. When I said no, he asked if I was a tomboy. Damn, I am so straight! I love boys.
It just shows how immature people are. You know people always have this misconception about girls who talk about sex openly. So guess what:
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
I WANT TO HAVE SEX EVENTUALLY
Does it make me more slutty? Does saying those things take my virginity away? Nope. So, deal with it. I talk about sex and it's your choice to either listen or walk away. And at least I am not one who is out there doing things, thank you.
And I'm Back!
Well I'm BACK. I have been internet-less for precisely ONE week, and be assured that it is NOT on my will. Sigh. After the whole week, I actually think I can survive without the internet. I mean, despite the frustration, things DID pass kind of fast.
Anyway, exams were over last week. I have about two to three weeks before I'm shipped off to KL, again, for MPYO camp(then I'm going to watch Gwen Stefani, just for kicks since I'm already there [YAO CHANG!!!]). I can predict fun things happening every weekend for the next few weeks(so much for wanting to have free time to stay home and chill!) starting with two parties this weekend.
Oh yeah. It really feels like the end of the year now.
I cannot wait. Seriously.
On a more random note, I'm currently addicted to Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive". It's like one of those songs you imagine yourself having sex to. I'm serious!
Labels: daily
Looks Matter
Taking a break from studying. Papers starting this Thursday, damn it!
Tribal @ DFP
L:R - Denise, Duncan, Lu Ee, Jia Rong, Me, David, Kit Leong, Jebat
Duncan's face.
For those of you who don't know, Duncan is Miss Tan's grandnephew.
2nd violinists.
There are other pictures but they're all loading very slowly. Want the others? Ask me to send you a request for file sharing. There are about 20-25 pictures.
And here is the picture of the people who make up Cadenza Enterprise. (Finally, a group photograph. Too bad it's without all the advisers)
Then last weekend was YE sales. One word - WOW. All the stress and tears shed certainly paid off. Very happy with the sales that went. Despite our racks not moving as fast off the shelf as planned, we managed to clear a good deal of our other products. Some were sold out, thank goodness. At least now we don't have to worry about excess stock.
Also because there was a lot of eye-candy for me to feast my eyes upon, things were rather exciting for me. Especially during the last hour of sales. I honestly felt so ecstatic because of the thought of sales coming to an end.
Damn. I'm going to miss sales. It was one hell of a long journey(production right up to now).
But we still have to start planning for our AGM and prepare for our Annual Report.
Anyway, I got one a few rude comments from some of the customers: "So short also can become MD ah?" or "Eh, sorry I didn't see you!" or "You are the shortest MD around".
Well I know I may be short. I am pretty much the shortest in my own Board of Directors. Take a look below.
The BOD of Cadenza Enterprise - Yen Mei(Finance), Viityaa(Human Resource), Jia Pey(Company Secretary) , Me, Vanessa(Assistant MD), Siew Wern(Operations), Bee Lin(Marketing), Cheryl(Sales). I was tip-toeing by the way.
Anyway say what you want but:
That's one of my school products. Haha! There's the other version that says "I'm NOT tall. You are short." Both shirts sold like hot cakes. So anyone still want these shirts? Give me a ring. RM15 per shirt. Sizes - S, M, L, XL.
It just occurred to me how height matters in the world. I was pretty irritated at the fact when most people looked pass me when I was doing sales. I don't blame them. First impressions are important. People would rather buy something from a more mature looking person than from one who looks like a twelve-year old. You have no idea how low I felt. The taller people did great. They made far far far far far more sales than I did. And there were those with looks and height. I don't think I need to explain myself.
Great.
Labels: life, school, thoughts
Patching Up
I fixed the error in my blog when people using IE view my blog. Apparently it was not an error in the master layout but an error in one of my posts.
Anyway, I've been up since 7, defying my body's desire to sleep longer. It's been 5 almost 6 weeks I've been waking up about 6.45am every day(including Saturdays and Sundays) so I suppose my body has grown accustomed to sleep deprivation which is bad for a 15 going 16 year old like me.
Sorry guys for not replying the tags on my tagboard: my connection has been uberfucking annoying of late(those I chat with often on MSN should be highly aware of the number of times I've disconnected when we talk). Thank you Streamyx for making my online life an irritable one.
So here is the tag replies to all you taggers.
Logicyuan: Yeah. Was really really upset when all my programme booklets was misplaced. And I always keep my booklets with my books in a bookshelf. Haha! I think my dad was clearing on his own (?!?!). And I prefer Chem over Physics. Then again I've barely touched Physics all year up until recently only.
Ying Tian: Should have gotten the tickets only ma... And thanks for supporting my school YE company. Glad you like them shirts.
Isabelle: Well you should have just run over anyway. Btw, YE's over. Monthly test is around the corner and will be over this weekend.
Wei Yun: Heh. I'll be pretty free soon (I HOPE!!). But I'm freaking broke. Been going out to eat a lot. Not cheap you know. Might need time to recuperate.
yaochang: I told you I was going down! Going down in August anyway. During the holidays. (:
ryn: Least you got your hugs kan? EH, when can you drive? XD
Will give a proper update sometime later, if not this Saturday.
Labels: daily, people
Another Day
I have been in an irritable mood all day. Ever since we shifted from the Physics lab to 5 Science 1 classroom(did I mention how I hate floating classes, thank goodness I've only 6 more months to go!) I have been complaining about the amount of work I have left untouched.
Spent the whole of BM period trying to cram as much work and then during the last period of the day(Add Math) I revised Physics. It's like everything in Physics is slowly starting to make sense. Pretty cool when you see that all the Sciences are interrelated. It's like what my Chem teacher said when she told us it makes things easier if you see things from a bigger perspective, meaning that it's easier if you connect the dots.
Hahh. But I am in dire need of food(I want chicken, cake and chocolates).
I really need to blog on something more concrete.
Labels: life
It's Been Awhile
Don't kill me for not updating. Have been very busy lately, especially with YE sales just around the corner.
Basically it's pretty much been school, music and YE. Haven't had time to hang out and the "working" hours I'm having now is slowly starting to tire me. I am exhausted. I am so thankful that I have two weeks of nothing after exam before holidays start. (But of course there will still be the Annual Report left to compile, something I reckon I will spend August holidays doing)
You can practically see the break outs that I'm having right now - oh the horror! - due to the stress and late nights I've been having, no thanks to people bugging me at obscure hours just to get something done. It's crazy I tell you. But you know what? Despite me partially regretting to take on one thing too many, there is one thing that I have learned. That is I cannot have it all, even if I really wanted to and had all the time in the world because my body needs rest. My social cravings need to be exercised and I need to talk more to be more quiet(don't ask it's another of my weird theories).
Well, the previous weekend I was stuck, literally, in KL for MPYO rehearsals. It was really great to meet up with Tribal again but I think because of the tight schedule we hadn't much time to catch up like we did during camp. Of course there was the Joshua Bell concert that we went for on Friday night. Other than that, the weekend wasn't much of the breather that I had expected. I can't wait for August camp! (By the way, pictures will be uploaded soon)
Sigh.
But after exam, I want to go to the beach and get a tan. Then I want to indulge myself in food. Later on, retail therapy. Who's with me?
Labels: daily, life
